Being angry

Yeah, I don't mean that we can't be angry. Of course anger is a feeling that everyone have, including me, although you will be so surprised to see me lashing here and there, or even say sarcastic things considering the so called 'kind look' that I have.

It's inevitable, but now I'm trying my best to manage my own anger. Because I have been through life without proper anger management, and it hurts. Doesn't make me happy at all. Saying bad things might be a stress reliever, but for the moment only. You will find yourself regretting it later and thinking how stupid you were for acting or reacting like shit.

Nothing good comes out of bad words. Especially when you're angry and can't think straightly. It always felt like everything is trying to threaten and make a fool of you that you feel the need to prove that you're stronger and can threaten them even more, right? Em, I'm just guessing but that's how I felt before, several years ago, when I was younger, and when the word 'consequences' didn't even bother me at all. All I know is "I'm angry and this is how I feel like. This is how ugly it was and I have to lash out and express myself so everybody will understand how I feel and won't bully me anymore."

Oh my, was I stupid or what? It doesn't make me feel better at all. It just shows how weak I was in dealing with my own self, with my own emotion. And what's more, there is no use hoping that people would understand. They won't, it's just you being there showing how vulnerable and stupid you are and others just watching the show and might have feeling of how crazy you have gone. And later, there'll be more reason for people to make fun of you and hate you. After all, what's so great of trying to explain yourself in public? To get thousands of supports and gang on your side? For me, it all looked childish and harshly saying, stupid. I have gone through that and made the same thing, but I can't regret much. Had I not gone through it all, I won't be who I am today right?

I have read about this from somewhere that 'if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything'. At first I was like thinking this "what? why? to make us a sweetie hypocrite that will backlash and fire behind other people?" 

But no, that's not it.
It taught us patience, and gave us more time and more mental stability to really ponder about what we should and should not say.

Sebab itu elakkanlah berkata apa-apa semasa marah. Apabila kamu marah, syaitan itu dekat kepadamu untuk memarakkan api kemarahan sehingga kamu mengikut telunjuknya untuk melakukan perbuatan-perbuatan yang tidak sepatutnya seperti melukakan hati orang lain, merosakkan harta benda dan menzalimi diri sendiri.

It's not that we can't be angry and should not have any anger but exposing it to the public or merely making statements that cause annoyance just...not right.