People have different kinds of life. Some are so fortunate to have their own say and own space in many things. They could argue one moment and be loving and spoilt again the next. It's like, even if there will be arguments and suchlike, and we think our say is right, and they thought their's were right. It's inevitable that people have that kind of thought. I have it too, only that I'm too weak, tired and uninterested to enter in any arguments.
I tend to let people who wants to win, well...win. And I don't feel like I'm losing on anything, because I'm just doing a small favor of shutting my mouth up to make them feel good and superior. Plus, if I were to argue about something seriously, I'm afraid my over the top sarcasm and hurtful words will come out. So it's better to stay out when I can't tame my own sharp tongue.
Being 'the companion' for everyone, I am that great listener even though sometimes when I'm too occupied I hardly respond. Nonetheless, I lent my ears and attention and offer some words that I consider good, or offer support in progressive matters and whatnot. It's not a problem, but sometimes, when I don't know what wrong have I said or done, and suddenly I was given a cold shoulder, I'd feel deeply dejected. Frustration caused by the thought that I will always be there for you when you needed me but when you get angry with me for only-God-knows why, you can ignore me like a useless pile of shit. I'd still accept that, because it's not like we've known each other just yesterday. Always I found that I have also contributed to the frustration, so I'd feel better and forget about it. Or worse enough, felt terribly guilty.
The image, good girl super obedient filial image were plastered to me from head to toe. I am expected to be the most demure girl in town. I am aware that as a young lady, it's crucial for me to remain respectable and avoid flirting. Especially in today's world, where flirting and outing has been the part and parcel of life *which I still personally disagree with girls turning to be like boys nowadays*.
It's even more confusing for me in finding life partner. Being with a not-too-strict family, mum used to say she'll agree to anyone that I like, that I love enough to be with me for the rest of my life. Because the old experience had taught mum so much. She married a man, not a Malay man but a man that spoke the language of Shah Jahan and Amitabh Bachchan, so you can imagine what's the reaction of a traditional Malay family that sums up their disapproval in a simple "dah takde orang Melayu lagi dalam dunia ke?"
It hurts them both, they were happy but life was hard. Because there's no 'restu' form mum's father and mother *grandpa and grandma*.
And now, I guess history was about to repeat itself. I took a liking and naturally attracted to a person, but mum disapproves so much that I think I should just forget it and find all the faults I could in him to make me feel better. Wish me luck :)
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